On the eastern side of The Fracture, the unfortunate travelers find themselves in Tопографический Oкеан, or simply, “Unpronounceable.”
There’s no other way to say it, so we’re just going to come right out and say it: Unpronounceable is a weird place.
Sure, maybe you think the goings on at the Magic Dragon Theatre in Ur-et-Scatia are weird. Nope. Not as weird as Unpronounceable.
Maybe you think Clog-to-the-Head Dancing in Hölstenwall is nutballs. But it’s not as nutballs as Unpronounceable.
Maybe you think the Tangerine Infringement Beak in Marshland is weird — and in all fairness, yeah, the Tangerine Infringement Beak IS weird, but it’s still not as weird as what you’re going to find in Unpronounceable.
You don’t believe us?
Rocks float in some parts of Unpronounceable.
The sky boils in multicolored clouds spitting lightening.
The Hut of Ba-ba Ra-ra Cu-cu Da-da might waddle past you on duck’s feet.
Hedgerows trim themselves.
The pillows are surrealistic.
Dreams become real at the Temple Stone in Lama Rabi Rabi.
We could go on. What’s the point? Sooner or later every Adventurer takes a run at Unpronounceable, regardless of what we would tell you. So, fine, fine! Just go.
Geography
Tопографический Oкеан (Unpronounceable) is a vast continent spreading eastward from The Fracture.
To the south, Unpronounceable ends and Thela Hun Jinjeet begins in a vague and frequently disputed boarder of small, feudal states known collectively as N-istan, where the value of N varies with time.
Snackistan, Urghistan, Dogistan, Catistan, and Alabama count as the largest of the -istans. Among the smaller, and more temporally unstable, are — or were — Getoutofmyistan, Igoristan, Pyramidofskullsistan, and Heckawie. The peoples of the -istans are generally nomadic, barbaric, and violent.
The -istans are sufficiently unstable and disputed that one can wake up imprisoned in Unpronounceable only to fall asleep imprisoned in Thela Hun Jinjeet.
The westernmost features of Unpronounceable are the Moonmadness Mountains, the sister range to the mountains of Schisseplatz. Dwarves have managed a bridge between Höch in Hölstenwall and Grosž in Unpronounceable. The Dwarves managed a sufficiently good job of the affair that all attempts to destroy the bridge immediately following its completion have failed.
As much effort is spent defending Höch as is as poured into defending Imagino’s Line in Merdreterre.
The plain of Ommadawn stretches from Hergest Ridge to the Khatru Mountains. In the north of the plains of Ommadawn the capital city and major sea port of Unpronounceable is Py-Ut. The central city, and old capital, is Gong. South of that, you will find Egg.
These cities feature the traditional architecture of Unpronounceable: crudely-hewn dark stone, high walls, moats, dungeons, and spikes.
(Honestly, there are always more spikes than necessary, and we think that someone in charge must have been heavily invested in the iron-spike industry.)
The Khatru Mountains tower over the Ommadawn plains. The mountains raise so high into the air, on clear days they are visible from Schisseplatz. There are no known passes or roads over the Khutru Mountains, which is not to say they are impassible. When crossing them, however, it helps to have an affinity for snow and no need for oxygen — either way, if you’re going to try it, take a druid. In fact, take a couple.
The other way through the Khatru mountains are the Gates of Delirium. This tunnel pass is one part Unpronounceable, one part Underdark, and a whole mess of horrifying. Nevertheless, if you’re going to the west side of the Khatru Mountains, your choices are slim. You can try to cross the frozen oceans west of Py-Ut, The Sahara of Snow; you can try to sail around the horn of Thela Hun Jinjeet to the South (be sure to say hello to the pirates for us); or, you’re going over or through the Khatru Mountains.
To the west of the Khatru Mountains, Unpronounceable more or less comes unglued from the reality the rest of us experience. The high tiaga of Unpronounceable slopes gradually and unpredictably toward the cold, diswater gray waters of the far seas.
Most of us are used to geography that is more or less the same over time. West of the Khatru Mountains, just give up on that pipe dream.
Anyway, we can’t describe the geography of Unpronounceable west of the Khatru mountains, because five minutes from the time we finish a draft, what we’ve just written has gone from being geography to geology.
We’re confident there are cities and all of that sort of thing over there.
Economy
It’s a bit hard to say what you find in Unpronounceable is an economy, but they have barter, trade, and currency.
On the plains of Ommadawn, you will find agriculture, forestry, and craftsman’s guilds. They’ll take any hard currency that can be melted down. There is no real banking or investment economy, since interest is more commonly referred to as usury — a word spoken usually after striking a gavel and before pronouncing a sentence.
Outside of the plains of Ommadawn you’ll find bugger all. You might be able to exchange currency, but you’re more likely to do better exchanging pelts or dried meats.
Politics
Across the plains of Ommadawn, the government is a feudal hierarchy of vassals in service to the High Muckitymuck of Py-Ut.
Across the -istan, the ruler is anyone who killed the previous warlord and survived the most recent assassination attempt. Look for a chariot. That’s usually a dead give-a-way.
East of the Khutru Mountains, if there is a ruler with some sort of central authority, she or he has a twisted sense of humor.
Culture
There’s very little time or opportunity in Unpronounceable for the arts.
Bards colleges tend towards Swords and Whispers over Lore and Valor.
Painting has evolved past spitting dye over a hand plastered up against a cave wall, but they’re still struggling with “perspective” and “depth.”
Mosaics are popular, for some reason or another. The likeness of the ‘Patalogical Sorcerer Syzygy is a common subject of mosaics. Some of them are affixed to structures, while others are framed in wood.
What passes for music is generally described as what you might hear if you squeezed rats while someone else threw pots around the kitchen.
There is a Doomsday Book from -500 in the plains of Ommadawn, which is updated every seven years.
Hats are a big thing in Unpronounceable. If you want a hat with a funny shape, Py-Ut is your port of destination.
Religion
All gods are worshiped in Unpronounceable The place is littered with ziggurats.
The further east you travel, the more likely to find the worship of the Dragon gods.
Sacrifices are common. To the west these are typically symbolic. To the east, these are usually struggling against their bonds right up until the end.
Keeping religious talisman, foci, and symbols hidden is highly recommend, since there’s no telling who is aligned to whom.
Law
It is said that might makes right, but in Unpronounceable might makes sense.
Travel to and From
Py-Ut is the major port of entry to Unpronounceable.
The port of Egg to the south is the center of trade, such as it is, between Thela Hun Jinjeet, Marshland, and Unpronounceable.
Crossing the Khatru Mountains practically impossible. If you figure out a way, let us know and we’ll buy it off of you.
Otherwise, you’re going through the Gates of Delirium.
Going around the Khatru Mountains means surviving the barren Saraha of Snow or the wandering hordes of N-istan.