Phalle 7 to Phalle 22, -415
Six adventurers travel to The Many Miserable Isles to be taught by Grimble Grumble, a Gnome.
Among them is a Cleric of the Goddess of Small Streams and Domesticated Animals, who goes by the name of Brialle. The cleric that is. The Goddess of Small Streams and Domesticated Animals goes by many names, and in this locale it’s Brigantia. Brialle has been sent by the elders of her priority to learn the art of Adventuring because she is reeking mayhem throughout the place.
Along the way Brialle is joined by an Aasimar (though not many people know what an Aasimar is) and a mopey Half-Elf accompanying her. Grimble will not let them into the Dojo.
The Dojo is a small farm surrounded by a wooden stockade. There is a long house, a barn, stables, gardens, and most notably at the center of it all — a large, ornate Loom.
There are two inhabitants of the Dojo: Grimble Grumble and Collman. Grimble is old, cantankerous, and spends a lot of time at The Loom.
Before the raid, Grimble is at The Loom confused and troubled. He keeps weaving and undoing, then weaving again.
Collman is a very large and muscular… human? He is scarred and tattooed, bald, and surprisingly gentle and caring with the animals on the farm.
Both, Celaena will later discover (from a book in Baron Saturday’s Library) were Generals of the Pataphor.
Don’t forget about the Loom.
In the stables, there is a Chicken, an Emu, a Platypus, and — thanks to Brialle — a Donkey. There is a fifth stall. It is empty.
Grimble will not let Celaena into the Dojo, and so she and Maeglin the Half-Elf are stuck out side of it.
Why does Grimble refuse to let Celaena in?
Maeglin, by the way, talks to crows. More to the point, the crows talk to him.
Why are crows talking to Maeglin?
While Brialle and her companions are being taught adventuring by Grimble, a strangely dressed (man?) with a very bad haircut meets Celaena and Maeglin in the Shadowfell. He introduces himself as Veggie. Veggie begins teaching them the basics of Adventuring. It involves a mimic.
(The bad haircut is an important clue to something. Also, about the time Veggie is teaching Celaena and Maeglin, Veggie and Flex are having a very important conversation at sea).
Fighting the mimic, the party is reunited on the Material Plane in the Dojo, where Grimble changes his mind (Why?) and allows Celaena and Maeglin to remain.
Phil the Emu gets loose, and the party has to capture him and return him to the stables with the Chicken, the Platypus, and the Donkey.
There is a raid.
An army of skeletal warriors attack the stockage. Collman advances against the army, alone, pulls a tree out of the ground and begins to bash the attackers to bits.
Grimble opens a portal above them and calls down meteors to obliterate the attackers.
(Many miles — and a planar shift away — Baron Saturday witnesses this event while peering through The Telescope.)
Two imps, Flywheel and Rivelli, steal the chicken in all of the confusion.
Imps are devils. Devils are Infernals.
The party pursues the Imps to rescue the Chicken.
Flywheel and Rivelli are killed in the fight (and there goes a whole subplot, but well done party — especially Celaena).
The fight for the Chicken is a three-way fight between the party, Devils, and Demons (who are supposed to be allied in the eternal war against the Celestials).
Unnoticed at the time, watching all of this was a Duck.