In a parallel universe, young Ralphie is told repeatedly that he will put an eye out, until he very nearly does.
—
In a universe closer to home, there are the Blightwalkers.
The Blightwalkers are an order of especially humorless and dedicated servants to the cause of getting all of this ‘patalogical idiocy under control, for once and for all.
The cataclysm that produced the aftermath was sufficiently violent that it cracked a content in two, separating Gloriana and Wolkenkuckucksland from Mirpiyut with a rift that now connecting the Great Northern and Southern Oceans. The blast leveled nearly every structure on the planet, and it returned civilization (it it were) to about where it was before the invention of the written language.
No one knows how long things remained in that state, as people were marking time not in the summing of years as much as counting the number of times the verb “begat” had been used.
The cataclysm also left the world engulfed in places in a fields of highly radiant ‘patalogical energy. Things in these fields of energy could become — unpredictable.
Worse still, the artifacts created by these Sorcerers tended to radiate deadly amounts of ‘patalogical energy, producing all sort of ill-effects, and serving as the most coveted holiday gift for the up-and-coming tyrant on Long Night.
Enough was enough.
That amount of power is simply too much power for mortals to attempt to command.
And, so, an order arose with the specific goal of collecting highly-radiant artifacts so they could be locked away from dangerous misuse and, thus, preventing sorcery from taking root in the world again.
The Blightwalkers might well described as strident in their cause. They have experienced the suffering and destruction of sorcery, and that shapes an absolute and unyielding commitment to preventing another cataclysm…
… As we shall see.
—
Having gained entry into The Baron’s Inter-Dimensional Office, the party began the investigation — or looting — depending on your mindset.
First and foremost, Bruni discovered and took the Moon Stein. This is a large, heavy and (cheaply) bejeweled (in stones of greens and blues) beer stein that glows faintly of moonlight. It makes quite an impression on a person, especially when swung with great force.
Maeglin carefully examined the room, uncovering a surprising number items and clues.
First, on the desk they discovered the Baron’s diary, which chronicled the Baron’s experiments up to the moment of his disappearance — including a final entry that appears to have been written by someone else. In the journal, they noted a reference to the Baron’s travel bag, in which he noted he kept 10K gold of spending money and a flying carpet for getting about place to place.
(A 25 Investigation will turn up quite a bit.)
Also on the desk they noted the a Tome the Baron had been working on. Thousands of pages long, this three foot-by-three foot book contained a long string of symbols. These symbols resembled, in may ways, Celestial. They deduced it was a code of some sort, but they could not make out the nature of it. Toward the very end of the book, they found sheets of paper had been inserted, also featuring characters of these encoded Celestial markings. On the pages with the inserted pages, the Tome featured frequent strike-outs in the encoded text.
Near the book, they found a well-crafted paint brush and four pots of paint. Braille used the brush and paint to draw a squirrel on one of the sheets of paper. As she completed the drawing, the squirrel began display depth and substance, until it came fully into being. And, now, suddenly coming inotbeing, it saw that it be surrounded by a bunch of people much lager than itself. It shrieked in terror and made for the door.
On a coat rack in the corner of the room, they found a coat rack that contained the Baron’s travel attire and travel bag. They surmised this was a bag of holding, which contained a flying carpet suitable for carrying three normal-sized creatures. They divided up the money, less Muffin’s share.
Well, we’ll get to Muffins in a minute.
They searched the bookshelves, and in particular Celeana found a books about the Pataphysicists, a biography of Clineman, and a book about someone or something called Ubu.
Also, under a foot of the desk, Maeglin discovered a playing card. It appears to be hand painted, not pressed from block and ink. The card was the Queen of Diamonds, also known as the “Moon Card.”
After that, they ascended the stairs, and things got interesting.
—
When they opened the trap at the top of the spiral staircase, passage to the hall in the mansion closed. When they exited to the roof, they were clearly on the roof of the tower, but the tower was not attached to the Estate. Rather, they were on a Tower… towering (is it were)… perhaps a mile from the surface of the city below.
On the Tower, they were protected from wind and elements — and perhaps more — by a magic sphere. The sphere appeared to be related to fifteen glowing globes. Ten were centered overhead, tightly packed and vibrating with energy — five brightly glowing, five dimly glowing Five orbited outside the magic sphere, two in an inner orbit and three in an outer orbit.
When they looked out, they saw a mountain top looming, only its peak didn’t rise vertically to the sky. It loomed horizontally. Looking over their shoulder to the right, the could see it summit to a snow-covered peak. Looking to their left, they could see its base disappear into the clouds below.
Looking down from the tower, they could see a long, narrow city stretching out beneath them. Following the cityscape, they found their eyes rising to the horizon, until they could see the city continue over their heads and wrapping around behind them.
There was no visible way down the tower. They spread the flying carpet, but realized they didn’t know the word that could activate it. They tried several different words and phrases, but failed to invoke the carpet’s enchantment.
In one corner of the tower top, they noted a large, brass telescope.
And, that’s where things in this sideways world went especially sideways.
Maeglin carefully looked through the telescope without touching it, and he saw it pointed at three planets: a small, a medium, and a large one in a sequence.
Dani immediately determined the telescope a dangerous ‘patalogical artifact. She and Maeglin together used the portable hole to cover and then surround the telescope, creating the six-by-six pocket dimension beneath the telescope, at which point, it dropped in.
Dani closed the bag, and she declared the telescope off limits.
Maeglin, however, wanted to continue to study the telescope. Dani would not allow it, having secured it.
This turned into an argument.
The argument turned sideways.
Maeglin decided to draw his knives. Dani, attuned to a Sword Sword of Warning (taken from the Captain of the Watch in the town of Seaside on their first night on the Island), was immediately alerted to the danger…
ROLL INITIATIVE!
And, this will be the subject of many an argument for many a day to come. Dani will correctly point out that Maeglin *drew* first. Maeglin will correctly point out that Dani *struck* first. Arguments over the significance of these verbs rage on today, wherever alcohol is served.
Dani struck out twice at Maeglin, missing with each blow. Maeglin struck back, savaging Dani. Bruni clobbered him with the stein. Maeglin struck again, and Dani fell unconscious and dying.
A healing potion later, Dani revived to see her path to the exit blocked, Throwing the bag over the side meant someone, anyone, could find it. Surrendering the bag meant turning over the telescope and all the other contents of the bag to people who could not be trusted with it. There was only one thing to do: Give up her life protecting the world from the dangers of patalogical artifacts — if only a gesture, it would be a final one. She struck out at Maeglin, again.
Bruni and Maeglin struck Dani down a second time, but not before Brielle decided that two against one just wasn’t cricket. Brielle lit up Maeglin with a bolt of radiant energy (which travelled “down” from the heavens before turned at ninety degrees to strike him. Brielle felt the point was made.
Before reviving Dani, this time, the bag was taken from Dani. Once revived, Bruni grabbled and held on to her. Bruni easily managed Dani, at one point threatening to drag her over the edge. Maeglin attempted to shackle her, but even grappled, Dani managed to squirm out of the shackles.
Maeglin and Dani will point out, when a discussion of who was in the right and who was in the wrong, that they had been trying, in their view, to reason with Dani. They asked — or told, depending on where you are standing on the subject — Dani to surrender her Portable Hole and stand down. Dani, in turn, will be quick to point out that if there were one thing that either of them could say to make the matter worse — it would be precisely that.
Celeana eventually opened the bag, spreading out on the floor of the tower. Dani continued to declare the telescope to be an extremely dangerous object and demanded that the party return the bag to her.
Maeglin reached into the Portable Hole to drag the telescope out, at which point Maeglin learned…
… Dani was exactly correct in assessing the telescope as being an extremely dangerous ‘patalogical object.
The telescope discharged a massive (10d6) grounding of force energy directly into Maeglin. Fortunately, Maeglin was on the ground of the tower when he touched, which prevented him from being flung over the side they way Forf had been thrown back when he touched Grimble’s Loom).
At this point, with Dani bloody barely standing and Maeglin smoking from both radiant and force energy — everyone had lost their interest in continuing this fight. Brielle started a Prayer of Healing, some potions were taken, and feelings remained… tense.
In the end, Dani retained control of the Portable Hole requisitioned by Blightwalkers to her, for which she had signed for and vowed to protect before receiving (details in backstories are, by the way, very helpful when making snap decisions, all the way around).
—
It was generally agreed that they should exit the Estate as quickly as possible.
Celaena had gotten what she needed from the library. The party had money and items. Cessair and Bruni, however, had not yet secured a signature on the invoice.
Unable to convince Muffins to leave on his own accord, they left him behind to his particular madness.
The party, unable to make the journey to Sea Side before nightfall decided to make an awkward and uncomfortable camp.
Maeglin wrestled with a personal decision.
Dani turned to Brialle to help protect her bag from others during the night.
And, miles away, the Banshee they had encountered on the first night on the island, detected them. It reached them by the third watch. Maeglin on watch failed to detect its approach. Within thirty feet of the party, the Banshee unleashed its deadly howl. Celeana, Dani, and Brielle instantly fell unconscious, dying. Bruni and Maeglin attacked the banshee while Cessair rushed to revive the others in the party. The Banshee did its damage, but in the end was quickly defeated.
The party completed their rest.
And, when the sun rose, the effect of the island had taken its toll on all of them. Cessair met the dawn with the sudden realization that she really did like killing people, after all. Bruni awoke realizing that she couldn’t trust anyone in the party — except Dani. Celeana awoke feeling tired and annoyed at how everyone was judging her all the time.
Ironically enough, Maeglin awoke to the overwhelming certainty that he was haunted by forces that were out to get him, which turns out to be an outlook about the world he already labored under. (Sometimes, I think the dice are sentient)
Brialle started to feel the effects of the island’s madness taking hold of her, when she heard a voice in her head — a patronly, irritable, school-master’s voice — tell her, “Shake it off, you stupid girl! It’s an illusion!” She felt the effects of madness leave her.
Leaving the island quite a bit more wealth and quite a bit less sane, the party made their way to Sea Side. Along the way, the realized they were being pursued by spirits of one kind or another. There were too many of them to safely fight — especially in their currently state — so they made the best choice imaginable. They legged it.
When they got to the dock, they found the boat they used to sail to the island missing (possibly in the possession of a goblin with a paper mâché duck on his helmet). Tied to the docks was the boat that Cessair and Bruni used to get to the island. This was far too small to get them off the island. It was large enough, however, to get them to one of the ships in the harbor.
Naturally, they picked the largest and grandest of them.
And, there they ended up, flopped out on the deck of the ship, exhausted, driven to madness, and narrowly alive.
Behind them on the shore, the souls of the inhabitants of the Island of Craptopia lingered for a moment, then disputed back into the island — along with Muffins and three casks of whiskey.