7 Phalle, -415
Late summer, and just a few weeks from the New Year in Ur, five strangers met along the shoreline at the end of the Useless Peninsula.
They were waiting for a boat to take them to the Adventuring School of Grimble Grumble..
On the way, they saw what is left of Merdreterre after the Global Thaumaturgical War — mostly turnip fields — some wheat, some pasture, but mostly turnips.
They passed windmills being worked by farmers climbing to the top of the windmill, jumping on frames to the sails and using their weight to carry them to the bottom.
They passed the high radiant magic zones of ‘patalogical energy. Some cows had made their way through a fence, and now they were blinking around the pasture, as at least one wizard from the Merdreterre Institute of Thaumaturgy clambered up the hill trailing acolytes to deal with the problem.
As they went further north, they encountered a set of giant, stone tentacles reaching up from the ground — not quite certain what they were – or were not — attached to below ground.
Finally, they came to the line of demarcation where the fields end and the devastation of one of the direct hits from the Global Thaumaturgical War laid the ground barren.
From there they proceeded by foot, then by boat, to the isle where Grimble Grumble teaches students how to become “Adventurers,”
Adventuring is an occupation that involves willingly entering into the most dangerous and radiant fallout zones, and then absconding with anything valuable they find there before they are killed by the creatures they find there.
Grimble’s Dojo is located in The Many Miserable Isles at the northern end of Merdreterre, at the entrance to the Inland Sea of Misery.
The new students find themselves a wooden stockade surrounding a long house, a barn, some stables, and a garden. At the center of all of this is a loom.
Grimble refuses entry to one of the companions, named Celaena. Celaena is an Aasimar
A mopey, emo half-elf named Maeglin agreed to stay with Celaena, which is a level of commitment that seems unlikely from the aspiring rogue. Maeglin assists Celaena to get into the dojo — or at least a version of it — by using an object he possesses that takes the two of them into the Shadowfell. A parallel plane of existence, the Shadowfell reflects the Material, only with macabre representations of the same things you’d find in the material. In this world of grey, they meet a surprisingly colorful — creature? — who calls himself “Veggie.”(2) Veggie takes on the task of starting to prepare Celaena and Maeglin for their new occupation as adventurers.
Meanwhile, in the real world, Gregory, Forf, and Tharla meet a new companion, Brialle, who is already at the dojo. Gregory is an aspiring wizard who draws the arcane out of the background radiation of ‘pataphysical energy in the universe itself, channeled through material components. Forf is a Firbolg devotee of Pan, who grants Forf the power to draw ‘pataphysical energy directly from nature itself, using the symbol of a pan flute as a focus. Tharla is a powerful and nimble wood-elf, adept with a bow and with two short swords. Brialle is an aspiring Cleric of Life serving the goddess of domesticated animals and rivers, who is spending more time rescuing small animals in need than learning the rigorous arts of the adventurer.
While Grimble teaches Gregory, Tharla, Brialle and Forf to attack and defeat training dummies, Veggie teaches the same lessons to Calaena and Maeglin — only they see the training dummies as scarecrows.
And, speaking of crows, there are two crows who seem to be hanging around Maeglin and Calaena, and they seem to be laughing at Maeglin a great deal. Maeglin seems used to this.
While learning to detect traps and open locks, Maeglin — the following order — finds a small onyx figure of a dog with a tag on it “for Brialle,” a letter address to Death care of Maeglin, and a Mimic who transforms from a chest into its natural form as an Aberration of the Shadowfell, and then it promptly attacks Maeglin. Curiously, and to Grimble’s great irritation, the Mimic, Celaena, and Maeglin seep through a weak point in the planes, appearing in Grimble’s dojo. He instructs his students to kill the Aberration, while he consults his loom.
Working together, the aspiring adventurers defeat the mimc, only to be surprised when a rhinoceros materializes above Maeglin and flattens him in an instant. Maeglin, unconscious, fails his three death savings throws, but before Death can claim him (or more to the point, before Death can claim the letter addressed to him), Forf rescues Maeglin — and Maeglin is restored to life still in possession of the letter addressed to Death.
Later, the adventures — who now include Caleana and Maeglin, now that the Mimic drug them out of the Shadowfell — have to work together to capture Phil the Emu, who has “gotten out of his pen.” With animal handling, acrobatics, intimidation (yes, the emo rogue did manage to intimidate an emu, ‘coz that’s D&D, folks), and some other crafty inventiveness, they safely return Phil to his pen.
Through out, the adventurers are visited by the Personifications, who are manifestations of abstractions made real following the Global Thaumaturgical War. Irony visits Maeglin who rolled a 1 and 20 in succession. Maeglin meets Death when he is crushed by a rhinoceros. And, Gregory meets Sadness when several spells fail in a row.
There is not much time to rest, however, because the dojo is attacked by a small army of terrifying undead soldiers. Grimble orders the adventurers to the forge, while he and Malcom engage the army. It’s not a fair fight. Grimble calls down, among other things, several meteor strikes, while Malcom pulls a tree from the ground and works his way through the skeletal army with ease.
It seems like the frontal attack was a diversion for a group of kobolds to make their way over the fence. Only, the kobolds discover that Grimble has positioned the adventurers in the forge. The adventurers quickly stop the kobolds, only to discover…
THE CHICKEN HAS BEEN TAKEN!
Tharla identifies the tracks of three goblins, who turn out to be Nix, Blix, and Flix, have made off with the chicken while invisible when the adventurers were distracted by the kobolds. Forf tries to cut off their escape with a moonbeam, but misses them by only ten feet — they have just made it outside the gate.
The adventures pursue the goblins, with Forf standing guard at the dojo in case there’s further mischief there.
At the river, the adventurers split up, with Brialle and Calaena keeping to the road and Gregory, Tharla, and Maeglin following the tack to the ford. Here, good choices and teamwork stand out.
Gregory jumps on Tharla’s shoulders so, they can move faster together through woods, and as a result when Blix and Flix release boulders on them from the western side of the river, Tharla’s quick reactions save them both.
Meanwhile, Calaena perceives — even though Nix is invisible — that there definitely is a goblin with a chicken on the other side of the bridge, and pursues.
Brialle, however, stops, concerned there is a trap waiting for them. There is. Two crows land other either side of Brialle and transform into the imps. They are Flywheel and Ravelli(3). Before they can cut the ropes to the bridge, Brialle and Maeglin force Flywheel and Ravelli to retreat.
The chase continues until they reach the shore of the island, where Nix, Blix, and Flix have taken the chicken to the end of the dock, apparently waiting on a boat.
Defending the dock is the Goblin boss, the Grand Duck Grond. The goblins, curiously enough, wear hats shaped like ducks. Weird.
Tharla engages the Grand Duck Grond, supported by Brialle, Gregory, and Calaena — while Maeglin tries to flank the Grand Duck. On his way past Brialle, Maeglin manages to slip the Onyx Figurine of a dog into her pocket.
During the fight, Trentino — a bone devil — appears with Flywheel and Ravelli. And, this is where luck and good choices once again favor the adventures. Before any of the adventures engage or attack the bone devil, Trentino focuses his attention on the biggest threat on the field: The Grand Duck Grond.
Forf realizes the dojo is secure, joins the chase.
The fight that follows is close. Tharla and Maeglin are both nearly killed, and both are forced to retreat. But, the adventurers are able together to defeat both the devils and the goblins. While this is taking place, Flywheel and Ravelli are trying to get the chicken away from Nix. Ravelli is killed with arrows, but Flywheel manages to wrestle the chicken away from Nix — and Flywheel legs it… or more to the point, wings it, flying away at high speed. At this point, the DM makes a huge mistake failing to use Flywheels ability to turn himself invisible (we all make mistakes), and with Flywheel just at the edge Calaena’s range for scorching ray, Calaena vaporizes Flywheel and frees the chicken.
The chicken is rescued.
And that is where we concluded the game for the evening.